Doubts.

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Some days, some months, some years are like realizations. They will mean a lot when you look back but you'll be glad those are over. Most of the times, it's only rare that good times are realization times. And it might just be that during all the good times, you won't realize that they are great. Which is ironical.
It is difficult - this life. I don't know how to live it, what is the best way to approach it. I've started looking at it as a problem to solve unlike previous years where I was just living in the moment. Here I am, trying to find the secret - the secret to love, secret to success, secret to happiness - every day it's a pursuit that I chase unsuccessfully, trying too hard. The perspective is lost, of what's actually important; I'm caught up in the world's way of right and good. Get a place, get a car, go places, talk to people, stay in love - everything is now a task that I am to do. I don't know what's real and mine anymore. I am molding. How 'adults' are formed. How I used to think 10 years ago about the older generation - is happening to me now, m seeing it firsthand - internally. 
Every time I have some time, which is less now that m working 9-6, doing chores another 3 hours, all I can think of in the remaining minutes is what m losing, going in a direction I am not sure I intended on, trying to find pleasure in things, people I might not care about, in work that I get unsure of at times too. Every time I get some time, this is what happens in my head. I can't seem to get out of it, because I don't have time to deal with it, and it is just getting carried forward to a point where I won't even know what to do about it. My problems with myself and others were the same a year ago. How can that even happen, I've seen my own life change completely in a year. What happened this time. What changed. Something happened. To me. To my spirit.

M hoping that this year and all of the above is one of realization times and that it's not the reality of the remaining and upcoming life.

PS: It doesn't help that everyone expects a person this age to have it all figured out. Indian society even more - rather than encouraging them to take what they learnt all these years forward.
Well.

Ciao.

Comments

BHD said…
True indeed!!
Eventually we find the right balance between living moments and executing tasks..��
July 29, 2017 at 8:43 PM
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